ASK AMY: Faithful Stepfather Shouldn’t Pass On Family | Lifestyles

Dear Amy: I have been married to “Bev” for 14 years. She is marvellous. It’s a second marriage for both of us.

His son “Cliff” is like a son to me, and I love him very much. The problem is, my wife’s family, who all live locally, seem to view Cliff as anything other than immediate family. Cliff is a real estate agent. He is the co-owner of a business and a real estate broker.

Cliff works extremely hard for a living and yet he has several family members who will not be using his services.

His first cousin refused to use it when buying and selling many homes, amounting to approximately $ 225,000 in lost income for Cliff.

Cliff has a wife and two children, and could certainly use the money.

The same thing happened five years ago, and my wife hasn’t spoken to her sister or niece for almost three years because of it. They are very snobbish and do not include us in their meetings.

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I’m fed up and want to unload them onto the heap; including the parents who I think are partly responsible for this whole situation.

As it stands, I don’t want it at all at home. However, I think if I unloaded it would mean that my wife would end up losing any relationship she now has with her sister and niece.

What do you think i should do

Dear furious: I think your choice to characterize this business situation as “lost income” is a bit misleading. In my opinion, this is not a loss of income (because he never had any to begin with), but a “potential income”.

It makes a difference, because you seem to see it as a deal that was taken at “Cliff” versus a deal that was not offered to him.

Your loyalty to him is commendable, but before you choose to offload yourself, you need to think carefully about the consequences.

First of all, taking action wouldn’t benefit him – and it might actually hurt him.

If this posh family of locals chooses to fight back, they could denigrate their business, which relies heavily on good references and good reviews.

Additionally, your choice to offload would likely further damage your wife’s relationship with her family.

Cliff will have to grow his business in other ways, and there may be more positive ways to help, besides punishing these family members.

If your wife wants to completely break up with her family, she has to make this move on her own and you have to support her.

Dear Amy: Is it always fair to give unsolicited advice to a loved one whether you say in advance that they are free to take your advice, or not?

For example, is it fair to offer this advice in a case where you see the train wreck coming up and you will never forgive yourself if you don’t try to avoid it?

Dear request: A few words about advice: Everyone is always free to “take or not” advice, whether requested or not. Keep this in mind.

I have a quote scribbled on a post-it above my desk: “Unsolicited advice is always selfish. “

For example, your desire to warn someone of a high-speed train alleviates your own anxiety; it might also give you some satisfaction “telling you so” later.

Unsolicited advice can also negatively affect your relationship with the person you offer it to, as it seems intrusive and personal.

That being said, if you see a train coming in for a loved one, yes, you need to warn them.

Don’t expect them to necessarily heed your warning.

You can offer your advice by essentially asking the other person to invite them over. For example: “I have a point of view on your personal situation. Can I share it with you? “

If the other person says, “Yes, go ahead,” they are more likely to hear what you are saying.

Dear Amy: “Tired and taxed” said his wife had hidden many of her financial assets, while still accepting her financial support for running the household.

Thanks for suggesting that he call a lawyer. Forensic accounting is in order, and her response to the idea of ​​a “post-nup” could give her an important clue regarding the future of their marriage.

Dear support: I agree.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

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